Kissing, cuddling and touching are an important part of lovemaking and couples that run their lives in this way use every opportunity to share such affection. The slightest touch or pat can be worth a thousand words and a hug at just the right time makes words redundant. Sometimes these little intimacies simply say, “I love you”, yet on other occasions it is clear they are preludes to some sort of sexual activity. The couple in tune with each other know without saying, which is which, and use such teasing, even perhaps to some level of arousal, as a sort of work-up to intercourse later.
This kind of “lovemaking” then becomes like an extended foreplay both know will end in lovemaking some time in the near future. If you run your intimate life in this way, lovemaking takes on a rather different level of importance. It is now no longer the be-all and end-all of the intimacies you share. This means that you will cope better with the ups and downs of your sexual appetites and, mutually attuned, detect sexual interest early and know how to act on it. Then, when you do have intercourse it is much more meaningful because it takes place against a background of loving interest in one another. Not only are inequalities and variations in sexual appetite better coped with, but the occasional failure, rather than becoming a disaster, is kept in perspective because it is understood that the relationship has far more going for it than whether or not genital contact is always good.
Lovers in longstanding relationships sometimes find that they can communicate without words; they seem to know what the other is thinking and feeling. Shared secrets help to make this a secret society. The woman may whisper to her man while they are on the dance floor, that she’s wearing his favourite underwear, for example. “Accidentally” touching your lover’s body in a certain place or in a particular way can have a devastating effect. Some couples can achieve the same impact with just a look. Many couples have a private language that they use even in front of others, as they tell one another about their feelings, arousal, or their anticipation of erotic things to come, which all add to their excitement.
All of this makes such a couple much less likely to suffer from jealousies because they flirt with each other and look to one another to answer their needs. They do not then see members of the opposite sex as threatening because they know that what they have between them is vastly more valuable than anything a quickie relationship could offer.
If all of this seems like nothing more than a fantasy to you, there are ways of improving things: Start off by going back to courtship behaviour; many couples have never really courted – taking every opportunity to show love in different ways. Give one another presents for no reason. They don’t have to be expensive; it’s the thought that matters; kiss more; telephone to say, “I love you.” Leave love-notes around where they’ll be found by your lover; go out with one another as if it were your first date as teenagers. Really try to please one another as if you were just starting to date. You may be surprised how much you’ve taken each other for granted over the years and how stale the caring and love for one another has become.
It is helpful in any loving relationship to remember the airline motto “we never forget you have a choice”. There are many couples that let things slip, perhaps year after year, becoming more and more lazy and thoughtless only to find when they go back to courtship they’ve all but forgotten how to deal with one another in this way. As with so many things in life practice makes perfect and over the weeks you will become more proficient at courting one another. With luck and effort, the combination of making courtship a priority, and your increased experiences of life, will reap you a far richer harvest than would have been possible when you were first going out at the beginning of your relationship.
One of the most fruitful ways of making all this happen is to organise sensual holidays. A sensual holiday can last from an evening to a weekend. The main purpose is to get away from your normal day-to-day routine both in and out of bed and to really court one another. You can prepare for the holiday beforehand to get best out of it. Ideas include: the uses of herbal aphrodisiacs such as ginseng, yohimbe; breakfast in bed; one sensual massage; lovemaking in an unusual place; a novel type of position for lovemaking you know your lover would like; or an evening devoted to your lover’s every whim. Each couple will have their own ideas as to what suits them, or they’ve always wanted to do.
Send your hints some days before the holiday so your lover has time to prepare (if necessary). This also helps build up anticipation and excitement for the holiday. Remember, none of this needs to be expensive – the whole thing can take place at home with a special dinner or outing just for the two of you.
Whatever you do and wherever you do it, the main thing is to give yourselves over to one another totally and to aim to do things that please and delight. Talk about it afterwards to see what worked well and what didn’t. It’s best to take it in turns to arrange such holidays so each lover has the opportunity to call the shots and decide what they want.
Sensual massage is a wonderful way of lovemaking without intercourse. This form of loving contact is often underestimated. There are few things a couple can experience together that allow them to be more in touch with themselves, and to communicate at every level, better than a loving and sensual massage. Whether or not this becomes an erotic massage is up to you, but even if one does lead to the other you still don’t have to end up having intercourse – you could stimulate each other or simply cuddle and kiss.
FULL BODY ALERT
Sight, sound, smell and taste are powerful aphrodisiacs – exploit them to the fullest extent possible.
Right from babyhood most of us use fewer of our senses than we should. In learning to please one another without intercourse it can be helpful to look at how each sense could be better used to serve lovemaking. Here are some ideas:
The power of aromas
Use perfume, perfumed soaps, scented oils for massage, incense sticks, flowers, room perfumes, and anything else (not all at once!) that helps enhance your sense of smell. Remember, if you perfume yourself too heavily you’ll mask the natural odours that can be a turn-on for your lover. Make sure you are clean and washed but not so squeaky clean your natural smells are obliterated. Learn, perhaps for the first time, how each part of your lover’s body smells.
The sound your lover makes can be quite a turn on as you make love. The little groans, sighs and moans that say “I love you” are all valuable clues to how things are going. With the lights off, learn to recognize how your lover’s sexual arousal cycle is progressing just by sound alone. Take delight in the sounds of your bodies reacting with each other. Use beautiful music to accompany lovemaking.
Seeing it all
Take delight in looking at your lover going about their daily tasks. Really notice what it is you love about him or her. Compliment each other’s appearance and show appreciation for things that please you.
Acquiring the taste
Get to know how your lover tastes by licking all over. Taste mouths, faces, sweat, genital secretions and so on. This is intimately tied up with the smelling exercise since taste and smell are so closely interlinked.
Experiment with all kinds of tactile sensations using not only your bodies, but also foods, clothing, vibrators and so on.
The art of making love divinely without intercourse
Unfortunately when thinking about “making love” most people imagine only one thing – the intimate physical contact. In case of harmonious couples who know and love each other, “making love” is not strictly limited to the immediate physical act. On the contrary, “making love” becomes a common state of mind and spirit, a state that they may share for more than one or two days. Such a couple reaches the point in which they are able to communicate quickly and so profoundly that even a glance can give rise to ecstatic passion. Kissing, passionately embracing and caressing are very important for a complete erotic fusion. Loving and caring couples who act this way in their intimate lives use every single opportunity to express their affection and adoration.
An affectionate touch or a tender caress is often much more important than a thousand words; probably everyone has experienced the passionate embrace at a certain moment, which made words futile and useless. These experiences amplify mutual appreciation and, not surprisingly, the erotic aspect of their lives gains in importance and enthusiasm. Sometimes these intimate, apparently insignificant things can express a simple “I love you” or, other times, they are obviously and plainly the prelude to an erotic act. Such a couple can communicate even without words because the two lovers reach a point where they are able to recognize precisely the meaning of the others behavior and are able to understand the signals which show that the other wants to make love.
LONG LASTING PRELUDE
This delicious way of initiating an erotic fusion becomes a longer and more profound anticipation of the act that will take place at a certain time in the near future. Now you have the opportunity to see the difference for yourself and your partner, because this approach to sexuality will certainly generate benefic changes in your lives, changes that will not go unnoticed. On the other hand, this approach endows you with the means of practically and intelligently handling the ups and downs of sexual appetite and desire. You will also notice that because of the harmony established between the two partners, the erotic interest appears sooner, together with the ability to act suitably. Thus, when the actual fusion occurs, sexual intercourse will be more profound and successful because it will take place on the basis of a complete awakening of both partners’ erotic interest in each other.
Thus you may deal with the variations in your sexual appetite much easier. Even a potential failure, viewed form a different perspective, based on the fact that the erotic relationship may be sensual even if not physically sexual, can be easily overlooked. It is interesting to note that the couple becomes free from tensions and stresses due to a healthy interest in sex. Consequently, the couple experiences an increase of erotic pleasure and they even make love longer and more intensely.
In a steady and long-term relationship lovers can reach a non-verbal level of communication and sense the feelings and thoughts of their partner.
Revealing a secret to your partner will preserve and intensify the mystery and communion between you.
For instance, the woman whispers into her lover’s ear, while dancing together, that she is wearing his favorite piece of lingerie. Touching “by accident” certain parts of his body can have an extraordinary effect. Some couples create a magical impression upon each other simply with a look.
Another secret revealed here is connected to the mysterious language of lovers, characteristic to each couple, in which they communicate even in public. Thus they have the possibility to share with each other their exact feelings, their erotic moods and expectations, feeling consequently a lot happier and intimate.
Here is a way in which couples will be less predisposed to suffering from jealousy. They should flirt almost all the time, trying to respond the other’s mysterious love-calls.
They will no longer consider other persons as threats because at this point they know that what they have together is worth a lot more than any superficial relationship. If this sounds like a dream to you or appears too difficult to be achieved, some simple solutions will be given here that empower you to improve your couple relationship.
Start by going back to the way you behaved in the beginning of your relationship, when you flirted naturally (most couples who did not flirt in the beginning find it hard to express their love outside intercourse). Offer one another gifts, with no reason. There is no need for them to be expensive, because what really matters are your thoughts and feelings when you offer them.
Kiss more. Call each other at least once a day to say “I love you.” Leave love-notes in unexpected places where you are sure she will find them. Date as if you are teenagers and this is your first date. Don’t forget that there’s always another option, another possibility to choose.
There are many people in love who for years, miss chances to be really happy. Many couples realize that they forgot how to behave, and only when they go back to the first stage of their relationship, do they feel the happiness they felt when they were courting each other constantly. However, you know that practice makes perfect and following these guidelines, you will soon see that you become an expert in the art of flirting and courtship. Be patient and keep in mind that your experience of life and the results obtained will soon amaze you.
A very simple and efficient method which will bring wonderful results is to organize sensual vacations. Such “erotic mini-vacations” may last one night, a weekend or even longer. The main goal is to get out of the routine, regardless of the fact that you are in bed or out of it, to flirt with and really court your partner. You can arrange this vacation in advance.
Thus you can talk about: an aphrodisiac breakfast in bed, a sensual massage, making love in unusual places, a new erotic position or any other kind of erotic fusion that you are certain your lover will fully enjoy. Or, why not spend a whole night making all your shared fantasies come true. Naturally, every couple has a specific idea about what is good for them, what suits them and what they have always loved to do.
It is better to send these signs a couple of days before the event so that your partner is surprised, but not surpassed by the events. Acting this way will allow your partner to anticipate and even fantasize about what is going to happen. It doesn’t have to be too expensive – you can put it together in your house or you can have a special dinner or a picnic for two. Whatever you do and wherever you are, what really matters is abandoning yourself completely to your partner and trying to do wonderful things together.
Afterwards, take time to discuss what happened, describe your feelings in detail, in order to see what went right and what didn’t. It would be best to take turns in organizing these vacations, so that you both have the opportunity to choose, act and decide according to your own preferences.
IT’S KISSING TIME!!
Don’t miss any opportunity to learn how to be a better kisser. Spend a lot of time practicing the art of kissing when you are turned on or whenever you feel sexy. As a result of erotic massage, you may learn to caress your lover in an extremely erotic way. Grant yourself a whole night and announce to your lover that you will not make love in an ordinary manner. Then get creative, use your imagination and be happy.
Some couples become highly aroused even if they do not intend to have sexual intercourse, while for other couples it is harder. Of course you could end by simply touching each other or one of you could help the other have an orgasm, without ejaculation. It is not necessary for erotic play to end with orgasm and ejaculation, even if this was the way you used to make love. Oral stimulation without the ejaculatory-orgasm is well known and also preferred by most people.
THE “REAL-MAN” MYTH
It is regrettable that nowadays many men firmly believe that any form of physical love must end with intercourse. Many women (maybe most of them) repeatedly say that they would prefer more kisses and embraces before and during an intimate moment. Generally almost all men think that a “real man” has sex for hours and never plays like a teenager. This determines that a fairly large number of women who do not want an intimate relation refuse men and any actions that might lead to lovemaking.
On the other hand, many men consider that touching and embracing automatically lead to sexual intercourse. They have become accustomed to this pattern of thinking to such a degree that they are unable to distinguish between the physical act and other forms of fusing with their beloved. A change in this pattern of thought requires a lot of time and effort. Such a man needs encouragement, to be helped and taught how to enjoy sensual, erotic experiences without intercourse. It will probably seem strange to him in the beginning, but in time he will become more self-assured, will-powered and virile.
WHY NOT SEX?
Why shouldn’t a couple want to have sex? There are a lot of reasons. Few of us want or can make love all the time or, to be more precise, exactly when the person we love wants to. This is why sex is not an option, applicable no matter what, which helps maintain the intimacy and harmony of a couple.
Thus, in a long-term relationship, there are a lot of situations in which both partners would like to express their mutual love. It is not always possible too make love for example: during the last months of pregnancy, immediately after birth, after a surgical procedure, in between stages of an illness etc. All these situations plead in favor of the method presented previously, because in such cases you will be able to make love with your beloved in the absence of the physical act itself.
For many loving, strong couples making love without sex plays a special part in day-to-day life, even if none of the previous situations exists. Acting like this, the couples bring into their lives the missing element and express their love in unusual, yet appealing ways which enrich their relationship.
But, as in the case of any other problem, this also depends on the harmony and equilibrium between sex and erotic manifestations that exclude physical contact. The goal should be to reach and maintain that ideal state in which both of you are exceptionally satisfied, fulfilled and happy about your love life.